Human beings survive to be seen. We survive to connect with other living things. And in order for this connection, we need to open ourselves.

This is what Research Professor Brené Brown, who studies vulnerability and courage, emphasizes in her TED Talk on the power of vulnerability. She states that through having these connections and being vulnerable, the feeling of joy and love blossoms.

In our society, young boys are put on a path that teaches them how to be successful. However, this path also forces constructs upon them, constructs including the necessity to assert their masculinity. Part of being masculine is hiding what they really feel.

Young boys are told that if they show pain or weakness, they are not going to thrive as a man. At a young age, males are taught to numb their vulnerability. But according to Brown’s TED talk, one cannot pick and choose single emotions to numb. She says that if you choose to numb one feeling, you automatically numb others. By numbing this vulnerability, you also numb joy, passion and love.

Everywhere I look in this school, I see guys holding their chins up every second of the day and speaking in the same monotonous deep voice without cracking.

I cannot help noticing that in this school environment they cannot be this okay.

Mental illness affects so many adolescents going through high school and college that there is no way that all these guys I pass in the halls are okay. And they probably are not. Because they are taught to numb the vulnerability that is vital to feel joy and passion.

The less you talk about what you are feeling, the more you feel it.

With all the stress and expectation of excellence that goes on in our lives, we need to let other people know how we feel. This is not easy. Allowing yourself to be weak in front of others is not easy, especially as a male.

We are told we need to be strong and assert our strength everywhere we go. As high schoolers far along the path of masculinity, it is hard to take a detour. But it is necessary to take a detour. A detour that takes you to a more authentic self. A detour that allows you to give up who people tell you to be and makes you the person you really are. This path is allowing yourself to be truly seen. To be vulnerable.

As a man, allow yourself to be weak, even if it is one second or one minute of the day. This is how you are supposed to be. Talk to a friend, a parent or a teacher about what you are really feeling. Because the truth is, you are not as okay as you would like to believe you are.

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