January Snoroscope

Weeks of perfect, blessed dreams ahead. Enjoy and breathe deep. Let the good dreams come.

You will toss and turn for hours upon hours in sleepless agony. I’m so sorry in advance. It’s going to be awful and you’ll be tired all day.

Both of your faces will be uncomfortable on your pillow tonight.

Sweet dreams, babydoll.

Don’t take sleeping pills. They really won’t help at all. Plus you can get addicted, and that’s bad for you.

Be careful not to fall off the bed and be fastidious when tucking in your sheets. Don’t forget the hospital corners!

You’re going to have some bizarre dreams, about your middle school teachers and stuff.

Maybe get to bed early. You seem tired. You look as if you haven’t been getting enough sleep lately.

You will begin sleepwalking pretty soon, despite the fact that you never did before. Let the people you live with know in advance.

Cuddle with someone else before you go to sleep. It will help you rest and bond with them.

Listen, buddy, you don’t need that much sleep. Do your homework. Come on now. You can sleep when you’re dead.

Someone near you is going to sleep talk and they’re going to say something important, so remember it.