Walking through the atrium or the STEM wing, you might not see couples holding hands or sitting together. In fact, if you asked a random student, they might tell you the “dating scene” is practically nonexistent. But look at a student’s Instagram story or curated feed, and a different story emerges.
At the high school, “relationship culture” has shifted from the hallways to the handheld screen. This shift has meant “relationship culture” is defined by two modern milestones: the soft launch and the hard launch. By creating a world where every “like” or “follow” is scrutinized, social media has made more students hesitant to commit to a partner, fearing the “drama” of high-visibility relationships.
The couples that are not yet ready to fully declare their relationships post a “soft launch.” These types of post may consist of a photo of two coffee cups, a mysterious hand resting on a table or the back of a head in a sunset shot. It is a way to signal a relationship exists without revealing who the partner is. The “hard launch” is the full reveal: tagged photos, a face and a definitive statement of coupledom.
Junior Frances Mathews said these digital steps are a major part of modern-day relationships. She said she recalls her own experience navigating these expectations with her boyfriend who attends a different school.
“People feel pressure to do a ‘hard launch’ or ‘soft launch,’ post for anniversaries and make their private lives public,” Mathews said. “My boyfriend asked if he could post a picture with my face in it instead of just the back of my head, because [he was] so concerned about that kind of [online speculation].”
Social worker Abby Dean said she believes the small-town nature of Brookline plays a role in how dating has become more private.
“I think it’s easier to be in each other’s business when phones and videos are everywhere,” Dean said. “Dating outside of school might feel more private.”
Senior Maya Ortiz said she noticed that because news travels fast via social media, many students opt for secrecy.
“It’s easy to bump into someone on a first date. I actually had an experience last weekend where I caught my friend on a date, and it was really funny,” Ortiz said.
According to Ortiz, social media often highlights the worst parts of modern romance, which can discourage students from trying to find a partner.
“Social media can promote really bad aspects about a relationship that make it harder for people to want to commit,” Ortiz said. “Their idea is that it always ends up being bad and there’s nothing good about being in a relationship.”
According to Dean, beyond the pressure to post, social media has created an environment where boundaries must be explicitly defined to avoid conflicts. Dean said this need for clarity is a defining feature of modern relationships.
“The language changes over time,” Dean said. “The talking [stage] can mean texting exclusively and not necessarily seeing each other in person. The rules feel stricter than they used to be. If you’re talking to someone, you have to be clear about whether it’s exclusive.”
Despite the pressure of “launches” and the intensity of the “talking” stage, some students still find value in the old school approach that prioritizes the connection over curated online personas. Mathews said that the best relationships are not the ones with a hard launch, but the ones that develop naturally out of friendship and mutual care.
“Don’t force it. Don’t go into interactions expecting something romantic to happen,” Mathews said. “It’s about how much you like each other. If you care about each other and want to stay together, you’ll be happy being around one another.”
