The hallways buzz with nervous tension as seniors start to hear back from schools they’ve applied to. Many wait eagerly for a Yale acceptance letter, but most don’t know how the Yale admissions process works. In an exclusive interview, Jessica Rejectsalot, head of the Undergraduate Admissions Office at Yale, and other admissions officers, explained the evaluation process for students from the high school.
Rejectsalot said the first step in the admissions process is filing incoming applications in the correct place. “Before the Common App, when applications were submitted on paper, admissions officers had to manually feed students’ applications into a paper shredder,” Rejectsalot said. “Now, thanks to technology’s omnipresence in the admissions process, we have AI delete all incoming applications from the high school so as not to dilute our pool of actually desirable applicants.” Rejectsalot smirked, adding “Our methods are highly efficient; I’ve never accidentally read one.”
Another member of the admissions team, Paige Burner, explained that her day-to-day around application season can be quite stressful: “I juggle many tasks at once: destroying other admissions officers on chess.com, taking three-hour lunch breaks I call ‘board meetings,’ and painting my nails Yale’s signature color: Rejection Letter Blue,” Burner said. “Since AI took over the application-deleting process, it’s become a full-time job finding something, anything, to keep me occupied.”
Doctor Ree Ject, Senior Director of Application Processing (Pre-Reading Division), who has worked at Yale Admissions for over 50 years, agreed with Burner. “I used to go through the paper shredder when I was bored, and piece together shredded applications like a little puzzle at my desk,” Ject said. “That’s the closest a BHS application ever got to being reviewed by our staff.”
Being an admissions officer, especially at an Ivy like Yale, comes with long hours, high stakes and an affection for snake.io. Officer Lay Z, Director of Holistic Inaction, said making admissions decisions can be emotionally taxing. “That’s why we’ve embraced a wellness-forward approach to admissions, which includes mindfulness, breathwork, online solitaire, and completely disregarding certain applicants to protect our mental health,” Z said. “Once you realize you can disappoint hundreds of students at once by hitting ‘reject all,’ the process becomes much more efficient.”
If you are worried about college decisions coming out, or wondering where to apply, you can sleep well knowing that the Yale Admissions office will pocket your application fee to fund their coffee runs and their team’s annual sabbatical. Now you’ll have an answer when parents ask where those $80 went.
