To be a “Touse Squid” or a “Bouse Mogger,” that is the question raging across the internet, creating a debate that’s captured the minds and imaginations of thousands. Now it is time, once and for all, to settle the issue.

For those out of the loop, a Touse (top house) Squid is someone lacking in qualifying characteristics who, by some miracle, is a member of the top fraternity house. He’s excelled beyond his social abilities and talents to become associated with the coolest, most distinguished frat on campus. But as an annoying, unpopular “squid,” he remains overshadowed by his brothers: in other words, he’s the worst of the best.

Touse Squid’s counterpart is the Bouse (bottom house) Mogger. Unlike the Squid, this is the individual who possesses those special “mogger” qualities to stand out, but who has, for some reason, decided to join a fraternity that the world looks down upon. Perhaps he wishes to stand out as a big fish in a small pond. Perhaps, despite his talents, he doesn’t possess the confidence to pursue Touse status. The Bouse Mogger is a man of mystery, but he nonetheless commands respect among his bottom house peers.

It’s important to consider that both have their unique drawbacks and benefits. The Bouse Mogger will be unlikely to find success outside of his own little fraternity, while the Touse Squid will command respect from the outside, but never from his own brothers.

The online debate has become too mired down in fraternity logistics to truly settle the issue. To determine for ourselves, we must soar above college dynamics and examine the issue for what it truly is: a philosophical quandary for the ages.

Is it better to dominate the small arena? To find one’s niche and excel? Or is it better to excel by associating ourselves with those considered greater than us? Aristotle thought that truly great men and women seek friendship with those equal to or greater than themselves. To him, dependency on lesser people was not a true distinction; to be the Bouse Mogger is to not really mog at all. His mentor, Plato, believed it better to find and accept one’s role in life rather than strive above where one belongs. There is honor in doing what you can, as best as you can do it.

Adam Smith, another notable philosopher, believed in the division of labor. In his view, the Touse Squids would be better off finding somewhere they can provide value in the free market (in this case, the college fraternity scene), rather than wasting away in a place they don’t belong, like the artisan workers of old who resisted moving to factories in the cities. Nietzsche, like Aristotle, thought it the sign of a weak man who only competed with those lesser than himself.

Each person’s answer reveals more about themselves than the truth itself. Each will find their own way to rationalize their preferred option; to argue ceaselessly on which confers the greater social benefit and which offers the best college experience.

Perhaps it is best to redefine how we approach the question. What we seek is not the answer that will confer upon one the most status or success in love; what we seek is the answer that will suit each person best. As much as we can search online for some universal truth, the true answer to the question is that there is no perfect option. There are Bouse Moggers in this world, but there are also Touse Squids. Society needs both, just as much as it needs those who would rather not be involved in Greek life at all.